i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
