he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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