youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
