Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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