If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
