His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
