I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
