there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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