i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
