Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
