im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
