oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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