im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
