We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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