im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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