i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
