i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
