woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
