Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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