omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
