fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
