do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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