Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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