TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
