Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Randomize
