8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
