She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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