dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
