just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
