is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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