Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
