just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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