Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
