I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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