I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
