So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
