I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
