I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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