I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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