haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
