Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize