you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
