"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
