As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
