when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
