Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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