Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
