I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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