god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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