You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
