sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think my vagina is haunted
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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